THE HARD TIMES
A couple years of quiet times, alone times, time for just me and Al; times like we had never had before since when we married we had a ready-made family. Life was good, considering! A new goal was set – something new to live for – our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. That day would come on June 30, 2005, another 8 years or so from my last goal. That was really a time I never thought I would see since I had been told for years there was no way to know when this monster called Scleroderma (CREST) would rear its very ugly head and take me away. The way life was going there was really no reason to think it COULDN’T happen.
I was beginning to have some trouble with breathlessness. As a smoker, I always blamed that and said “I need to quit”. Quitting smoking was something Al and I had tried to do several times, unsuccessfully. Of course, the doctors were always recommending I stop smoking, and as a die-hard smoker who had been smoking for many years, I had many excuses to continue. I remember one of my justifications was that I didn’t drink, do drugs, or over-eat. We all need a vice of some kind, don’t we?!?
In December of 1999, the doctor gave me what I considered pretty devastating news. The Scleroderma had progressed enough to begin to affect my lungs. He prescribed supplemental oxygen and then we discussed the different therapies available to perhaps slow down the disease progression. With no medical intervention, the prognosis was 6 months – 5 years. No way to know for sure just how long, but I had read and heard that most people didn’t last long once the Scleroderma got a hold internally. I WAS AN EMOTIONAL WRECK.
It was around this time I was started on Prednisone. Because of the total emotional upheaval, I don’t recall the exact order of how things happened. The doctor discussed with Al and me the possibility of Cytoxan (a chemotherapy drug) therapy. We were told there was approximately a 20% chance that the Cytoxan would be of much help, and we also discussed all of the possible side effects. After careful consideration, we decided the possible benefits outweighed the possible side-effects and so, scheduled the start of the therapy.
As if this wasn’t enough for us to bear, in January 2000, Al suffered a stroke which left him unable to drive a private vehicle for at least 6 months and commercially for at least a year. That’s a pretty hard blow to someone whose career is driving a semi. The stress of my illness, his stroke, and all the financial ramifications brought on a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder relating to his tour in Viet Nam. If not for the continued prayers and support of family and friends, I don’t know that we would have made it through this very difficult time in our lives.
After 2 years of doctor visits, and jumping through all the hoops for the VA, Al was deemed 100% disabled – service connected. This helped in the sense that he now would be receiving Veteran’s Benefits – a monthly disability check and eligibility for medical benefits. All the while I was still undergoing the Cytoxan therapy, and we were trying to live life as “normally” as possible. At this point we were able to give our lives a bit of a jump-start.
To continue my journey with me click here. (The New Beginning)